guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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