I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
