I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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