I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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