so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
