my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
