sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
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