found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
