After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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