yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
