Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
