You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
