I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
