dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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