what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
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