rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Randomize
