Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
