yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
