just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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