she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
