from now on my penis is your penis
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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