I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
