another moral hangover. fuck.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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