Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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