every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
