Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
