I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
