woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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