i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
