Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
