he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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