i already hear my dad disowning me
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
