I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
