i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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