if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
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