one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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