so explain again why im purple
no
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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