I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I accidentally burped into my bong.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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