I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
