last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
found the other keg... it's in the tree
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
