Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
