I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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