new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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