Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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