My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
