Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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