we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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