i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
