How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
