There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
