after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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