we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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